When you want to say absolutely nothing while appearing to say something profound. Master the art of corporate vocabulary: synergy, alignment, leverage, circle back, and other words that make people update their LinkedIn profiles.
“I'd love to circle back on this opportunity to align our cross-functional deliverables with the strategic imperatives outlined in the paradigm shift document. Let's take this offline and socialize the concept.”
“Per our bandwidth assessment, I'm flagging some low-hanging fruit for immediate traction. Let's right-size our expectations and boil the ocean in Q3 instead.”
“I appreciate the invite to 'thought lead' on this initiative. I've been doing some blue-sky thinking and believe we should pivot our North Star metric to better capture our value proposition. In other words: no.”
“After deep-diving into our holistic ecosystem, I've identified several pain points in our customer journey touchpoints that require immediate ideation sprints. Translation: everything is broken.”
'As per my last email,' 'going forward,' 'just to clarify,' 'for future reference,' and 'I trust this is helpful' are the power five of corporate hostility.
Stack buzzwords to create an impenetrable wall of corporate speak that technically can't be reported to HR. 'Let's leverage this opportunity to realign our synergistic deliverables going forward.'
Corporate speak is the socially acceptable framework through which passive aggression is delivered. It's the difference between 'you're wrong' and 'I appreciate your perspective, however upon further analysis...'